Well, I’m stupid.
Hey guys, it’s your old buddy Kaz here, co-host of the Kaz
and Keegan show. You’ll notice there’s not a little audio-player up at the top
of this post like there normally is, nor is there a link to download the audio
for this week’s episode at the bottom as per usual.
This is because there is no audio for this week’s episode.
The reason for this lack of audio is because I am a colossal fuck-up.
To take you behind the scenes a bit, Keegan and I record the
show through Skype. We have a program that “hijacks” the audio from Skype and
saves it as an audio file, which we then edit and condense into the
finely-processed piece of ear candy we deliver to you each week. The program we use has two buttons to take in
audio: “Hijack” (which opens up the program you want to record from) and
“Record” (which actually starts taping the program). You have to click on both
buttons to actually save anything you’re doing. Why the program requires you to
hit two buttons to perform the same function that one would do is beyond me.
This week, for whatever reason, I didn’t hit “Record” after
hitting “Hijack.” The entire time, the clock was ticking up and the levels were
bouncing up and down as they always do, which made me think the podcast was
taping. It wasn’t. When I dropped off the line with Keegan and went to look for
the file in its usual folder, it wasn’t there. I searched everywhere else I
could possibly think of on my computer – nothing.
Long story short, Einstein didn't hit record. One month in, and we have our
first “lost” episode, and it’s my fault.
So I’m sorry, loyal listener(s). I’m sorry to Keegan for
taking an hour of his time and forcing – forcing!
– him to consume three beers for naught. And I’m sorry, America, for combining
a “candy” analogy with a “sausage” analogy a couple paragraphs ago.
This is where I include something witty and hilarious about
how this week’s episode was the funniest, most insightful show we’ve ever done
and it’s just a DAMN shame you’ll never hear it. Legitimately, though, this was
probably our best show so far – we had a lot to talk about and we’re both
getting more comfortable doing the podcast – so I’m extra pissed about all
this.
We'll recap a few of this week's topics next week in a nice jumbo-sized episode. As some small consolation, though, I’ve decided to recap the show in order as
best as I can remember it here:
- · Keegan and I remind everyone that nothing about
our lives has changed in the past week. Good stuff.
- ·
I ranted about ESPN’s horrid broadcast of the
Thunder-Clippers game on Sunday, which included a five-minute sack-riding
session between the announcers and OKC backup center/schmuck Steven Adams and
two separate instances where Jamal Crawford was asked to name all 17 of his
coaches. Twice! If only big superstars like Kevin Durant, Chris Paul, Blake
Griffin or Russell Westbrook were playing, maybe they wouldn’t have to resort
to talking about total bullshit.
- ·
We talked about the US men’s hockey team putting
up a goose egg in their semifinal game against Canada and then again against
Finland. Keegan expressed concern that Dan Bylsma might be a great
regular-season coach who can’t lead teams in high-pressure games like the
Olympics or the NHL playoffs. I became what I assume is the 9,367th person to compare
Bylsma and Michel Therrien to Mike Tomlin and Bill Cowher.
- ·
We tried to figure out what Nicklas Backstrom
was allergic to that required him to take apparently-illegal medication during
the Olympic, which led to the IOC banning him from Sweden’s gold medal game.
Keegan guessed “public speaking.” I guessed “ice.”
- ·
We recapped Jim Boeheim losing his last “give a
fuck” and unloading on some referees during a loss to Duke, then Maryland’s
coach after Syracuse beat the Terps on Monday. We also expressed bewilderment over Mike Krzyzewski’s
age (he’s 67!) and determined the only way he looks as young as he does is
because of his drinking the blood of young children.
- ·
We interviewed ousted Ukranian president Viktor
Yanukovich from his secret hideout. He recounted his dramatic escape from the capital,
deliberated the future of the country’s relationship with Europe and Russia,
and told who he thought would win in an election: him or Justin Bieber (LOL!).
After he hung up, we promptly alerted rioting Ukranians to his exact
coordinates.
- ·
We tried to make heads or tails of the NFL
draft, specifically the top five. We discussed the bizarre questions the Browns are apparently asking their draft
prospects (questions which have led to unparalleled success over the past
decade and a half), and we debated whether it’s better to start a rookie QB
right away or keep him on the bench.
- ·
We also talked about what positions our
respective home teams should address in the first round. We are
both looking forward to our teams fucking things up somehow.
- ·
We taught everyone the truth about love.
- ·
Lastly, we discussed MLB’s new rule banning
baserunners from leaving the general basepath to collide with an opposing
catcher. We went into decent detail on this, but in short, we’re both good with the rule
change.
- ·
We did not conclude this week’s show with two
minutes of dick jokes.
We’ll be back next week kids – I’d bet my squeedly-spooch on
it.
-Kaz
